Your resume is so sharp, it cut me.

Seriously, look at that thing, it's beautiful:



The perfect balance of white space and text. Just enough color to catch the eye. Bold in all the right places. Enough action-oriented bullet points to take down a one ton grizzly. No fat - all meat. Revised and edited so many times any spelling and grammatical errors fled in terror. Power words. A constant state of flux - never the same on any two days or for any two jobs. It probably even glows in the dark!

If I were someone in HR, I would hire me based on that resume alone.